Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
