If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
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