proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
My feet surprised me
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