its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
