Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
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