I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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