Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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