I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
jump out the window naked night went bad
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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