i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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