I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
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