She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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