The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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