and you said cock pushups were impossible
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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