I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
