I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I'm passing your future prison.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
