We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
40s are totally the cure
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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