Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
