I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
