im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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