you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Randomize
