I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
