how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
