Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
