sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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