You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
