Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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