i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
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