You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
