new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
how drunk are you?
Several
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
