Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
My vagina is officially offended.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
