So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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