woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
