We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Randomize
