Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
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