do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
