She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Randomize
