never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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