Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
