why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Sorry about my life...
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize