This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
