Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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