remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
