our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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