Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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