I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
