so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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