She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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