i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
