Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
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