Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
