Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
