YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
