i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
