Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize