I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
