why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
