Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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