Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
