i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
