Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
tell me about the fingering
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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