I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
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