just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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