If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
