My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
