Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
