My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
