It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i used baking grease as lip gloss
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize