she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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