The maid of honor just puked.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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