I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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