An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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