apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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