on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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