YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
