the new term for farting is butt boxing.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
