eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
